Mainly due to my wonderful bro the evil spam people may be kept at bay for a wee while. I really hope they are, my inbox can’t cope with all that wonderful junk!

Now my only dilema of the day is do i wear the blue top, or the grey one?

AxXx

Does it say:

“bring me your tired, your poor, your evil spam commenting people…”

No, it does not.

Yes dear folk I have been hit by a comenting and trackbacking troll… and the clever bastards use different IP addresses. So as i plough through them all with the big delet button i can’t help but notice some of the topics. 3 that particularly caught my eye were:

Tit torture
Breast bondage
Sailor moon porn

Why?! Why would anybody want to look at these?! Though you can now guarantee that having put those words there I’m gonna get a whole load of new hits off google looking for it *shudder*

It’s just not fun. I’ve got enough to do as it is without having to get rid of 500 plus spam hits (oh yes, it was over 500 this morning)

So having gotten rid of them I’m now off to do other things like print the panto script, e-mail my stage crew, have coffee… you know how it is.

One last thing. Today is my dear friend Becks’ birthday (I won’t tell you her age) so can y’all just drop a comment giving her the best etc? I know she’ll be psyched
Until next time…

AxXx

They say it’s best to start at the beginning, work your way through and stop when you get to the end. So that’s what I’m going to do. However I have no real ending yet so I may just have to work up to the current moment in time and stop there.

My life appears to be as complex as ever, if not more so. It’s quite impressive seeing as we’re only a few weeks into term. Nothing ever turns out to be simple, and just when i think it is something else happens that makes it all go tits up again.

G is a roller coaster of emotion. Sometimes we’re incredibly close, others i feel like I’ll never be part of his own little world, and i discovered he has the power to make me jealous. Friday night we were supposed to be going out to the union for a big event there. I’d been speaking to him all evening and he said he’d come meet me to get the ticket. He never showed up. I couldn’t get through. I had no idea where he was and as far as i was aware he’d been with several other friends. I was furious that he stood me up, and jealous that they got him and i didn’t. As it turned out he HAD come home, but had fallen asleep on the bed, fully clothed. A wave of guilt washed over me that I could have doubted his sincerity in coming back up to college to meet me, and I hated myself for feeling even remotely jealous.

On Saturday I played a marathon session of frisbee with all our newbies and it took my mind off things. Not only that but i was headed out on a full college bar crawl (which is very drunken and kinda hard work!) in the evening so i was having a good day. It was made even better when he phoned me to apologise for having been in a foul mood all day and to ask me to go see Shrek 2 with him on sunday. He also asked me to go to his mates 21st with him that night but i said i was already committed to the bar crawl and that i might see him later.

For some reason on saturday my social life took an upward turn. I had the possibility of:
- bar crawl
- 21st with G
- houseparty on atherton street
- different houseparty on gilesgate

it was most exciting! I chose the bar crawl (as i’ve never done a full college one before) and everything kicked off at about 7. You get approximately 8 minutes in each bar so my the time you get served all you can do is a shot! It makes it a very fun way of getting drunk though as we have a self imposed rule that you’re not allowed to do the same shot twice. Don’t ask what i drank, i honestly can’t remember - though i know goldschlager featured in there somewhere.

Just as the crawl was coming to an end i got a message off G asking if I was coming down to the party as he wanted to see me there. By this point in the evening we were both a tad pissed and so i agreed to meet him. However, by this point I had a complication… of the male sort. A guy called DJ was rather lovely and in my semi-drunken state (and his i hasten to add!) we had a bit of a cheeky pull. Apparently somebody has photo’s of this…

DJ knew i was off to meet G, but asked me to stay, or at least come up to his room after. I put my foot down and said no, and then he was gentlemanly enough to walk me to the party, even though he knew i was meeting another bloke. I thought it would have been ok. I walked in the door, immediately saw G, was giving him a massive hug when DJ walks in with a couple of mates.

Oops.

The party finished soon after and i left with G and some of his mates. In a very short space of time I saw someone get arrested, got soaked through due to the rain and met a whole new circle of people who kept insisting that i was too good for G and not to bother! It didn’t put me off though and the 2 of us went back up to his, not being able to face the joy and mayhem that is klute on a saturday night. We got back to his and he announced that he needed a shower, and would i care to join him? Well that’s not exactly something i’m going to say no to now is it?! So off we trotted to the shower, got ourselves nice and clean, kissed passionately under running water (as you do) then ran back up to his room, me in his boxers and him in the towel.

We fell into bed and i swear to god i must have had the shirt he lent me on for a grand total of 10 minutes. We didn’t have sex, but we didn’t get much sleep either. On the whole topic of sex he out and told me that he has never, and his parents would disown him if they ever found out he had. talk about your very good Christian. He then happened to ask the one question that everybody dreads… how about you? how many has it been for you? Shocked at the question and that whatever i said could lower his opinion of me i mumbled something about it being a very rude question and gave him a poke in the ribs. And no by the way, i’m not going to tell you.

We somehow got to talking about the situation we were in and that’s when he hit me with it. he hasn’t got time to be emotionally involved, it’s his last year and his degree will always come first. besides, he is leaving so there’s no point. He thinks I’m a star and a sweetie but sees me as almost some kind of a fuck buddy (even though we haven’t). it was the whole “i’ve sen you naked, you’ve seen me naked thing” It hurt…. a lot.

So now miss sucker for punishment has got herself another one of those situations. I told you it’s never simple.

My first year knows all of this. he knows about mr director possibly coming up and has told me that under no circumstances am i allowed to let him stay. He knows about G. He knows everything. And through it all we’ve been brought closer which is another complication i could do without. I know he likes me and the sad thing is i like him as well. Circumstances however are a different matter. But the more he understands everything that’s going on, the more i’m drawn to him.

It’s all very complicated.

On a much lighter note my hubby’s love life appears to be doing a lot better than my own. At least I can sort something out!

So that brings me to my current end. Full of complications and emotions, and it’s only monday.

You’ve gotta love my life.

AxXx

You know how sometimes there’s just so much going on that you don’t know where to start or how? Well that’s how i feel at the moment. I haven’t got a clue where to start and so I’m not going to, not until i’ve figured out how anyways.

Sorry.

AxXx

Love

Sometimes the Heart follow the Mind.

Sometimes the Heart should tell the Mind to stay at home and stop interfering.

AxXx

At this present moment in time i am siting at my desk eating my tea, which is a bizarre concoction of pasta, radishes, red leicester cheese, balsamic vinegar, horseradish and black pepper. it tastes surprisingly good. I have to be at the bar for 7:30 (which i’d forgotten about) and i really just want to go to bed.

I swear, some men have a 6th sense. No sooner did i say that Mr Director appears to have forgotten all about me then he texted me, asking me about the panto. I had to tell him that no, i didn’t get a part, but they did make me stage manager instead, which personally i feel is a far better role as i get to be involved and laugh at all the luvvies without having to make a fool of myself! Where was i? ah yes. When questioned about whether he was going to come up to see it he was curious about where he’d stay. And what did muggins here do? automatically said he was more than welcome to come stay with me. Well he is, but i’m just not so sure how it’s going to affect me emotionally. We shall just have to wait and see.

Things with G appear to be picking up. Thursday night was formal. I went upstairs to drop my gown off (because they’re nice like that and let me use their room as a cloakroom!) and when i got back upstairs later i found it was just him, his roomie had gone off to see the girlfriend. So we were just chatting and then he was like “are you gonna stay? you can’t walk home in the rain” so it was decided. i stripped off to my underwear (i had started in my clothes but he politely informed me if i slept in them then they would seriously hum the next day) and crawled in. It started off all very well behaved. Then the hands got frisky and the next thing i knew he said something along the lines of “fancy getting naked?” when i said that he’d told me off last time for things happening that shouldn’t have he did say he may have been a tad prudish. So off came the underwear (for both of us) and there we were. I didn’t know what i was expecting but it certainly wasn’t that. We fooled around and laughed and joked (me saying that if he told me the next day that it shouldn’t have happened then i was going to kill him with his own shoes - this led on to a comical conversation about how exactly you would kill someone with shoes, are slippers allowed and what’s the going rate etc? you kinda had to be there i guess) i will say this though. He is one of the sweetest kissers i have ever known. It was just so perfect, the kind you melt into and never want to end, the kind you store away in your memory so you can tell your children about it, and eternal kiss.

This is a dangerous game that’s being played. With every day that passes i like him more, and yet at the same time I am only too aware that this is his busiest year and his time will be limited. He said he doesn’t want commitment, but i guess i just want to know exactly what he does want, before i fall too far. But knowing me and my track record, even knowing the situation won’t stop me from falling.

The first year who really likes me is getting very attached. he’s a really good mate but i have to be so careful about what i say or do. He already thinks G is a madman for not wanting to be with me instantly and is kinda jealous of him too… not good. Plus he’s very persistent. Will just have to keep an eye on things me thinks.

Ah, tis time for me to go. Have to get changed and then head off to the bar, I’m just hoping for a quiet night tonight. And at least I’ve eaten… kinda… don’t think I’ll try that particular experimental recipe again.

AxXx

I just thought (seeing as i’ve been away for a while) that I’d give you a quick man update. So here goes:

- J (my first) is now no longer talking to me. We had a brief reconciliation and then it all went pear shaped again.

- Damien is back is Guernsey and apparently very involed with a gorgeous woman. I have to say I was so happy when i heard this news, I just hope she can make him happier than i did.

- CG is back for his postgrad, complete with girlfriend. I don’t know what i was expecting really. But it was good to see him in the bar the other night, still as gorgeous as ever!

- Mr Director appears to have completely forgotten my number. I haven’t heard from him in ages so I think it’s just time to move on. Besides, I didn’t get a part in the Panto this year so even if/when he does come up i won’t have any real excuse to be there. It’s for the best me thinks.

- G (the latest to make an appearance) has told me that he doesn’t want any commitment. Apparently being a bloke, he’s scared of that word and shy at its very mention but he’s also aware of how antisocial his working habits are at the moment and he knows that he wouldn’t be able to give much of himself because he’s become paranoid about not working hard enough (his exact words, give or take a prounoun). This is totally understandable. We have a really good friendship and i don’t won’t to lose that so i’m just gonna have to sit back and bide my time and try very hard not to fall for him too much (though knowing me that’s never going to happen!) Who knows, by being friends it could become more. If not then at least we can have shits and giggles together
- Random Freshers are a plenty at the moment. I have at least one who really likes me but unfortunately isn’t my type. There’s another who reminds me so much of Mr Director it’s scary, they’re even from the same part of the country! And then you just get all the randomw fitties who are wonderfully easy to flirt with. I don’t think i’d be able to take it any further though, not unless i met one i really liked. I’m just gonna be good and see what (if anything) happens with G.

- My darling husband is apparently ready to fight for my honour as one of the freshers wants me to get a divorce so i can marry him instead. It’ll be a comedy moment but in all honesty my money’s on the hubby, he gets very protective!

Just thought I’d share!

Oh and Kel and Cobby, thank you for worrying but i is fine and hopefully back on blogging form!

AxXx

Yes dear folk, I am back after having been away for over a week. I’m really sorry it’s taken me this long to get myself sorted but we were having issues with wireless connections. Would you believe there’s a button i have to press and everything?!

Anyways, I’m back now and fully intend to bore you with details of what’s been going on. To sum it up I have been involved in freshers week, so if that’s all you want to know then feel free to skip to the end.

So yeh, I left home on Wednesday the 29th of September. I randomly met someone i knew whilst waiting in gatwick airport so we were able to keep each other company whilst i waited for my connecting flight. Arriving in Newcastle i was met by my husband dearest who promptly took control of my luggage, which i wasn’t about to complain about! I have to say i have to get an award for being unobservant. About half of the GB paralympic team was on my flight into Newcastle, including Tanni Grey-Thompson and I didn’t even notice! Go me! You’d think the matching track-suits would have been a give away but no. Ah well.

I spent that first night in the house thinking about everything that we would have to start doing. Being a freshers rep meant that i had to be at college for 9am on Thursday morning. I managed it (though i have no idea how) and the work began. The next few days were a frenzy of activity. We painted signs, songs and posters… we organised games, we tried to match faces to names on the photo’s board and failed dismally… we generally worked ourselves into the ground. On the Saturday night the 22 of us (11 exec members, 6 reps, 3 international reps, 2 assistant welfare) went out for a last supper.

The next morning I was at college for 8am - yes that’s right, i made it up at 8 on a Sunday morning! - and freshers week was officially underway. A few of the freshers had arrived on Saturday but most arrived on Sunday so my day was spent running around, lugging bags and boxes up to rooms, comforting forlorn freshers and generally not knowing whether i was coming or going. That evening we entertained them with games and somehow i became the elected games master. Everything seemed to go ok and they especially liked the one where they had to match the members of the exec to their embarrassing story When the bar closed we moved all the drinking up to the Norman gallery (where most of the exec live) and carried on.

That was the first night i slept in a room on the Norman gallery, N16, on the floor, with a sleeping bag.

Monday was spent with individual groups, showing them round, making them drink tea, curing hangovers and preparing them for the night ahead. Once again i was up for 8 so that i could be at breakfast and see how everyone was getting on. Having slept on the Norman gallery i was able to just tumble down the stairs to the great hall. Luckily the guys who had taken me in lent me towels and shampoo so i was able to pitch up clean if nothing else! On Monday night we introduced them to the wonders of Klute (a very cheesy nightclub) and i had the honour of taking somebody’s Klute cherry (basically i was the first person they danced with… don’t be naughty!) It was a long night and yet again i ended up in N16, though this time i was in a bed.

I will explain the saga of N when I’m done with freshers week… even the 2 are kinda linked.

Where was i? Ah yes, Tuesday was yet another early start and again we were looking after everybody. We also had to decorate the bar for the beach ent that evening and get all our costumes organised. The ent was fantastic. You’d be amazed at how many people think to bring a bikini to the north east of england in October! So many of the freshers came up to me saying how good their week had been so far and how much they appreciated all the hard work we’d been doing. Just having that gratitude really made all the difference
Wednesday was matriculation day. Matriculation is basically a long winded ceremony where you are officially welcomed to the university. I crawled out of the bed in N16 (again) and borrowed some stash (clothing with the college crest on) from one of the guys on the gallery. We sent them into the cathedral to cheers and immediately ran to set up the courtyard for the photo. When they came out again there was a huge crowd of castlemen cheering and whooping them and i think everybody felt the college pride. As is traditional they walked back down the barbican where i was having to perform face checks to make sure i recognised everybody. Every year we get somebody from Hatfield college trying to get into the photo so we have to be extra careful. It’s a very scary job being told to stand there and see how many people you recognise, i was scared I’d insult somebody! As it was only one hatfielder made it through all our checks which is a bit gutting but we’re busy thinking up horrible names to put under her face
Once they were in the courtyard and the photo had been taken we taught them the college song. Our song is sung to the tune of “land of Hope and Glory” and goes like this: (the bits in brackets are shouted)

Gentlemen of Castle,
Come from near and far (near and far!)
Now the race is over,
We’re heading for the bar (bom bom bom)
Nearer still and nearer,
On to victory (victory!)
Floreat Castellum,
Pride of Varisty (bom bom bom)
Floreat Castellum
Balls to S.R.C!

It sounds fantastic when hundreds of voices are singing it and i swear the first time the freshers sang it on their own it made me cry. I’d seen these people arrive as individual students and within 3 days they were a solid group, they were all castlemen, and that creates such a pride that i can’t even begin to describe.

On Thursday lectures started (but i didn’t have any!) so my duties weren’t too much during the day. Thursday night however was the first parent formal, which was actually mine as well, so we all got dressed up to meet our children. My girls by the way are called Sarah-Jane (from Yorkshire) and Mitsuko (from Japan). They’re both lovely and Alex and i are very pleased to be blessed with such lovely children Unfortunately i had to cut my evening a wee bit short as i had to take other drunken freshers home and put them to bed. I did go out afterwards though and although it took 20mins at least of queueing at the bar they had some really good deals for Castle students on so it was a good night.

By this time the exhaustion was starting to catch up with me. My throat has been permanently husky and i don’t think any of the freshers know what i sound like normally! Friday came and went with nothing too drastic (i went to bed fairly early, though still not my bed) and then Saturday arrived.

Saturday was the freshers fair at college where they could sign up for all the societies etc that they wanted to be part of. Of course i had to be there representing Ultimate Frisbee so i fell out of the bed, grabbed a shirt (not mine) and legged it downstairs. it was a good morning and we had over 50 people sign up! I’ve no idea where we’re gonna put them all for a practise :S In the evening we had the first ent that all the college could attend and it was a 60’s and 70’s themed affair. It was really good but i made the mistake of sitting down in the nice warm bar and almost falling asleep so i decided to call it a night and disappeared upstairs.

My Freshers week being officially over meant that my bar shifts started so Sunday (ie yesterday) i was behind the bar, trying to stifle my yawns. I’d promised the N16 lads that I’d make it back to my own bed which i did, for the first time in a week.

Which brings us to today. I managed to sleep through my alarm and miss my lecture but luckily i can get a copy of the notes etc. I helped out freshers with their bar application forms, came home, cooked myself some dinner (how exciting!) and then went out to audition for the panto. Auditioning felt really weird though as neither Mr Director nor the other one were there… it just felt wrong.

So now i’ve finally got my internet connection sorted and i should be able to post again with some kind of regularity.

As for the saga of N16… I’ll be brief. I have slept there every night since Sunday and i was in G’s bed from Monday through til Saturday. We’ve become really close but i don’t know whether it’s just friendship or what. He broke up with his girlfriend recently (a mutual thing apparently) and is also a strong christian so i don’t know whether it’s her or his beliefs or just him not liking me that are holding him back. However the fact that he asked me to stay a couple of times i said i was going home, always cuddles up close and always asks how soon it’ll be before he sees me again leads me to believe that he does actually like me in some respects which is all good.

J is no longer speaking to me (again). Our brief reconciliation came to a close. I’m not going to go into details but i will say that I’m sad I’ve lost such a good friend again. Ah well, c’est la vie.

I also have a brand spanking new phone. My old one finally gave up the ghost and just refused to do anything useful so i had to go and get a new handset. So now i am the proud owner of a samsung E700 which is all colour and polyphonic and camera toting goodness! It’s all very exciting
I think I’m just about done. I still have to go compose an e-mail to all the new frisbee recruits but i think I’ll wait until the morning to do that, provided i can get the connection working again that is! Until then, sweet dreams wherever you may be
AxXx