It’s been a while since I last posted and I fear it may well be a while after this post.

A lot has happened, so much so that I don’t really know where to start. People reading this may get hurt, they may hate me, they may well judge me on my actions. But I need to say this and I need to do it now.

The last time I came anywhere near this thing was February, and even then I hadn’t really got anything to say. It was just little snippets of stuff that wasn’t really anything important. Since then so much has changed in my life. Firstly, The Boy and I broke up. It was my choice, not his, and I probably hurt him more than anything. But I wasn’t completely honest with him. I don’t think I was completely honest with anybody. I’d known for a while that our relationship as over. I just didn’t have the courage to say or do anything about it. So instead of doing what I should have done I stayed put. This resulted in me having a brief affair with a work colleague and still not ending it. And then I met somebody else. The Boy and I had been to Jersey for my dad’s birthday and I knew then that it was over, well and truly. I got back and ended up falling for Mark at work. I had to end my relationship (which I should have done earlier) so that I could fully embark on my new one. And being a coward i never told The Boy the truth. And now I have, along with anybody else who might be reading this.

Mark and I got together and it has been amazing. He asked me to move in with him almost instantly. He asked me to marry him. There have been a few bumps along the way. I fell pregnant unexpectantly and that really threw a spanner in the works. I quit my job and became unemployed and he still looked after me. There have been fights and rows and tears and tantrums, but there have also been the most amazing, loving, caring, tender moments. He makes me laugh at the smallest of things and I know, deep down in my gut, that this is different. He would do absoultely anything to see me smile. What he doesn’t realise is that just being around him is cause enough for me to smile anyway. He is the most amazing person I’ve ever had the priviledge of knowing, and I’m lucky enough to be involved in his life.

So yes, the last few months have involved and affair, a break-up, a new relationship, moving house, marriage proposal,pregnancy and then loss of baby. You’ll forgive me if typing on the internet was the last thing on my mind. I don’t need this site anymore. The most important person in my life is right next to me every single morning, and I don’t need to use a computer to say anything.

So this is goodbye from me. I’ve probably been incredibly blunt and harsh and unfair with this post but honesty is the way forward.

I live my life in the real world.

Alex.